Non-Binary Does Not Equal Androgynous

I bought my first men’s shirt in a Goodwill this past September. It was new with the tags, and I almost didn’t buy it because I’m too stingy with money for my own good. Having to make a last minute decision at the cash register didn’t help either because unfortunately anxiety is a good friend of mine. But I bought the shirt, wore it the following day, and with my new short haircut I felt contentedly queer. I felt androgynous.

Discovering that I was non-binary had instilled in me a need to look androgynous. At the time, I thought dressing androgynously would allow people to see me as a person, not a girl. With my new shirt, I felt like I had finally achieved the look that I strived for. Androgyny was the goal after all. Wasn’t it?

Wearing that men’s shirt didn’t take away my love for women’s fashion, however. Dresses are my go-to outfit. And while both men and women’s fashions can be androgynous in nature, I tend to lean towards the more feminine. But wasn’t the whole goal to stop looking like a girl?


Over the next few months, I discovered several things to be true.

1. Regardless of how I look, I am not a girl. I am non-binary. I am neither a man nor a woman. Maybe some combination of both, but definitely not one or the other.

2. People are going to see me however they want to see me. The important thing is that I’m comfortable and happy in the clothes I wear.

3. Being comfortable and happy in the clothes I wear means wearing what I want, not trying to fit into an androgynous non-binary stereotype.

4. Most importantly, non-binary does not equal androgynous. For some people, androgyny is the goal. Others prefer more masculine or feminine looks. Some people like to change it up. It all depends on the person.

It does not matter how androgynous you look. No non-binary person is more non-binary than another because of how they look. Style is meant for self-expression. So while I do not fit the gender binary, I do prefer more feminine things. That’s just me. I find women’s clothing to generally be more fun and appealing, but I’m always open to trying new things.

Buying that men’s shirt was a big step for me. It not only taught me that androgyny does not have to be my ultimate goal, but also that it can be if I want it to. Dressing how you feel is way more important that trying to fit a stereotype. Everyday is a new opportunity to be yourself, and clothes can help you achieve that.

I am no less non-binary in a tulle skirt than when I’m in a men’s polo. Even when I combine the two together and make something all my own, I am still non-binary.