Hi there! So…it’s been a minute. And by a minute I mean about a year and a half. 😅
In that time, I’ve made dozens of attempts to write a new post, with my anxiety always stopping me. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a rough time for me, mentally, since the pandemic started. 2021 was a particularly hard year. However, over the past few months, I’ve slowly started to feel like myself again. After being in a really dark headspace for so long, it has taken a while for me to gain my confidence back. I lost myself for a little while, forgot my worth. But setting boundaries, standing up for myself, and facing things head-on has made me stronger.
Despite the low I had to endure, things are clearer to me now. I know who I am, and what I stand for. It’s difficult to keep my mental illness brain in check, but I’ve gotten a lot better at it. I’m really proud of myself for the progress I’ve made. Going forward, I feel so much more prepared to be able to deal with my ever-changing mental state.
That being said, welcome to my new era!! MY BAD BITCH, NO BULLSHIT ERA!! 😋
My birthday was on the 16th, and it was a fucking big one.
I’m 30, bitches!! Whoa!!
It’s absolutely wild to me that I’ve been alive for three decades. Considering I genuinely never saw myself making it to this age, I’m kind of stoked. I mean, my usual birthday/aging anxiety is still there, I won’t deny it. I could easily focus on all the “negative” things. But I’m mostly content with myself, even with all my silly flaws and faults. I remind myself often that I’m just a soul living the human experience, in a human body, in this fucked up little world, just like everyone else. I am worthy and deserving simply because I exist.
This year, I will be 30, Nerdy & Striving! If you know the reference, you’re cool. I modified the phrase to fit me, of course. I’m not flirty AT all, and I’m still working on the “thriving” part. Instead, I’ll continue to be my nerdy, weird self, and keep striving toward my goals.
Now, let’s chat a bit about they/them/wear !!
This blog, I’ve realized, needs to be for ME before anyone else. I have to love what I create. Trying to focus on being super professional, and catering my posts to what people statistically like isn’t sustainable for me. I still want to grow my blog to bigger audiences and share my art with the world, but while being authentically myself the whole time.
I’ve updated my ABOUT page, so please give it a little read if you’re new here, or would like to get to know me and this blog a bit better. Fashion and lifestyle will continue to be a big focus on here, as well as art and DIY crafts. My views on the fashion world (and fashion blogging, for that matter) have changed since I last wrote here. Creativity, self-expression and DIY will always take precedence over trends, celebrities, and mainstream fashion.
I also want to talk about my mental health more. Mental illness is still such a stigmatized thing. So many people don’t understand it, despite so many people experiencing it. To bring even a little bit of awareness to it, or help someone feel less alone, is enough for me to want to talk about it. Same goes with talking about gender, and specifically, identifying outside of the gender binary.
As I work on myself irl, I’ll be sharing my various hobbies, interests and opinions on here. I’m getting back into reading, and back into doll collecting. I hope to get more consistently into spirituality, as well. I’ve also been drawing and doing an occasional makeup look. Getting back into writing is the toughest for me right now. I’m far from the creative writer I used to be, but I’m finally warming back up to writing, even if it’s just these blog posts. Although my creative juices are a bit like jelly at the moment, I’m sure once I get back into the habit of creating, my ideas and inspirations will flow again.
Writing this initial comeback post has felt overwhelming for the past year and a half. I debated whether I even had anything worth saying. However, pushing past my anxiety, and writing without harshly judging myself has allowed me to finally finish writing this post.
New content will be coming soon! I’m working at giving myself a realistic schedule so that I can stay consistent, even if it’s less often than I would like.
Thank you for reading and/or following! I’m a bit late, but I wish you all a wonderful new year!
Take care,
Emerson 💖
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